Vito Does the Darndest Things

I want to preface this post with the following:

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This blog is not about all the funny things the Salvias do. It just seems like that.

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So, to satisfy the many many people that have been begging me for a new post (Hi Mom) I will tell you how Vito hurt his back.

This is the story of how Vito hurt his back.

Once upon a time there was a fine lookin' Italian man named Vito. Even though Vito was blessed with a wonderful countenance, perfect teeth, a Grecian nose, soft olive skin that rarely burns he still continuously complained about his cold, damp feet. All through the winter no matter how often he washed, no matter how many pair of cheap old cotton socks he wore, Vito's feet would always be cold. Vito's exceptionally loving and patient wife would listen to this over and over and wonder how she could help. She bought him a pair of her favorite SmartWool socks to wear. She thought about the problem. That's about all she did actually.

But one day Vito's exceptionally loving and patient wife read an article about sweaty feat. If you soaked your feet in black tea for twenty minutes a day for a week the tanning process (yes, like cow hides) would start and your feet would stop producing so much moisture. She read the article to her husband and said "We should do this!" Weeks went by with no black tea bags purchased to perform the experiment but Vito's wife would mention it from time to time.

Then one day Vito's wife came home to find Vito soaking his feet in a bucket of water. Wow! He went out and bought tea bags and was performing the experiment himself.

"Oh no," he said. "This isn't tea. This is coffee. I put coffee in this bucket and filled it with some hot water. I'm sure it's just the same."

Vito's patient and loving wife shook her head and went up stairs to change her clothes.

Then something started to happen. Vito was so excited about this experiment! He was laughing and talking about how he wondered if it would work. Again and again he made his brew and soaked his feet. Vito was getting frisky. And loud.

Vito's loving wife came down stairs and made dinner and Vito was jumping all over the place. "My goodness! You have so much energy Vito." "I KNOW!! I feel so strong!"

Vito started chasing his wife around the kitchen. "Hey! Get off me! Vito!! Stop it!" "Oh! I just want to pick you up!" he exclaimed!

Vito's wife ran up stairs with Vito on her tail. "I feel so STRONG!"

Vito held his wife around her waist and with the roar of a lion, or a mother trying to free her trapped child from a burning car, Vito lifted his laughing, with shades of concern, wife over his should and that's when it happened.

Vito cried out. His face turned BRIGHT red. He fell to the floor and stayed there. His wife hovered over and worried and thought "Good Lord I may have killed him."

Never a coffee drinker, Vito was at the mercy of the high that was created from the caffeine sucked up by his feet. It took his wife about a day to realize what had happened. No more coffee foot baths.

Vito still has cold, moist feet and he's decided not to try to black tea soak. The rush of false power is to much for his system. His back hurt pretty bad for about two weeks but he recovered thanks to his wife who gave him lots of massages and love. He never tried to lift her over his shoulder again.